It was a tough day today. Mom was on my mind a lot and I'm not sure why. She usually creeps up on me at odd and random times, like when I try to call someone and automatically begin to dial her number, a number that hasn't reached her in just over two years now; or I think of something that I know she'd have appreciated and then realize she's no longer there to tell anymore. Today it began while I was running errands and realized the stores had all the Christmas decorations and diplays up already. I'm just not prepared to see that two weeks before Hallowe'en!! I usually have the couple of weeks before Thanksgiving to prepare myself; steel myself. Christmas was Mom's favorite holiday. She had so many decorations that she could have opened up a well-stock store. As the years went by, especially after we lost Daddy, the decorations got put out in smaller numbers, but there was never any question, when you walked in her house, that she was a lover of all things Christmas. She was the BEST gift wrapper (having done it in a higher class department store before I came along, back when things were wrapped by the store - no charge!) So we were always almost as eager to see our gifts finery as we were what was inside the perfectly wrapped box. And her cookies. My God, I miss her cookies! Spritz (a kind of buttery dough spit out of a tube with a decoration plate on the end, so you'd have stars, Christmas trees, candy canes, Scottie dogs, flowers that melted on your tongue; there were the filled ones - always nuts in one and lekvar in the other. (I fell in love with the lekvar ones long before I found out what lekvar is.) When I was small, Mom started doing the Christmas dinner so I was surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandparents - all people who doted on me and spoiled me in the fashion of the season! I can still imagine the way Aunt NeeNee's ambrosia tasted (I need to get adventurous and try to replicate it some year - if there was ever a recipe, it's long gone) and Mom's stuffing (which I'm SO glad to say my husband has been able to replicate to a T!!
Anyway, I apologize for going off on a tangent, but it felt right to sit down and remember her a little, this day that she's felt thisclose. Today I wore the scarf she'd made for herself (we all have our own, but I called dibs on hers after she passed) and it helped a little. It was almost like knowing she was giving me a hug from Heaven; almost but not quite... <3