My Mom's Story (Creative Writing Challenge)

Mom, that is a simple term and yet, not so simple. What is a mom? Some think that you're a mom just by giving birth to a child, but I feel it's more complex than that. But, we're not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about my mom, so let's do that, shall we?

Let's start with a little history. My mom, Danette Marie was born on May 23rd, 1958 in Milwaukee, WI. She is the middle child, sort of. My grandma had a child when she was 16 and gave her up for adoption. We have to find her, but that is another matter. (though, exciting news for another blog, we may have done so!) Anyway, my mom has an older brother, Lyle and a young brother, Scott. It was my grandparents, her brothers, her, their dog Sean (an Irish Setter) and lots of cats throughout the years. Most of her childhood was spent in the very house my grandma still lives it, it was also the house my grandpa spent most of his childhood in. It wasn't an easy upbringing for my mom or my uncle Scott, which I didn't find out till I was a teenager.

My grandma is and always has been a rather passive person, not someone who readily stands up for herself or others. My grandpa was very temperamental and very hard to get along with. I was to find out later that not only did he physically abuse them, but he sexually abused my mom when she was a teenager. Perhaps this explains why she got married at 18, to escape. She and her younger brother were close as kids, went through a lot of the same things with their father and also had a lot of the same friends. My uncle Lyle had his own life, it seemed. Scott and Lyle weren't close, fought a lot. Though, that is what brothers often do is it not? Again, back to my story. Let me give you a little background about her siblings, maybe it will help paint a better picture.

My uncle Scott rebelled when he was a teen, started stealing and vandalizing and it got to the point he was put in a group home. This was probably the best thing that could have happened for him. He turned his life around and is currently the most successful and happy of the three kids. My uncle Lyle did marry and have four kids, but after 17 years of marriage, his now ex filed for divorce and he moved in with my grandma who lives just six blocks away from his ex, who at the time had four kids under the age of 18. Things have been a mess for him, though he's done alright. All of Lyle's kids are doing well, so I can say that even with the divorce, they were still raised well. But, Scott is still happily married, gainfully employed, lives in a home he helped design and renovates when it needs it, has four happy and successful children, and is just basically happy. We often wonder if his success can be attributed to his escape from their parents. My mom has felt left in the dust for a long time though. They were once close, but that was eons ago.

My mom's early adulthood has been rough. I know that she married at 18 and their marriage didn't last long. He didn't drink often, but when he did, he was mean. One time and one time only, when drunk, he started to hit her. She left then and there. I am proud of my mom for having the courage to not stick around, not wait to see if things would get better, because they often don't. After that, not sure what happened until she met my dad.

A lot of my family is from a small town Markesan, WI and the surrounding areas. As kids, they did spend time up there visiting cousins. My uncle Lyle even spent some summers up there helping out in the factory. My mom spent a lot of time up there as well. This is how she met my dad, working at the local foundry nearby. They met, started to date, and all was going decently for a little while. Though hearing about my dad from my grandma's perspective, guess she and my grandpa were not overly fond of him. *laughs a little ruefully* They did move in together into a small apartment in Markesan, from what I was told...other than when my dad fought in the Vietnam War, that was the only time he didn't live in the house he grew up in. Like I said, I think things were going alright for awhile. But then, she got pregnant and he left. I didn't know the details till I was nearly 21. It turns out she'd been on birth control and decided to quit taking it without telling my dad. He was angry when he found out and apparently took a bunch of things and left. He later felt bad and when I was born, he showed up at the hospital with flowers and a ring, tried to propose to my mother. But by then, she'd started dating someone named Randy, the man I got my last name from. She did consider my dad's proposal, but she knew my dad was a heavy drinker, knew his temper, and didn't want to chance meeting with dejavu. So, in the end, she said no. She didn't end up with Randy either though.

In the end, she moved back to Milwaukee with me in tow. I was small, not even a year old yet. We moved in with my grandparents. It wasn't all bad, lots of good memories, of the ones I do have. We moved out when I was four and a half, into our own apartment in West Allis. My mom worked and did the best she could to provide for me, at least my physical needs. She has never been real good at meeting my emotional needs, but I sort of understand why now. We stayed in our first apartment till I was about eight. Somewhere in there, she married again, very briefly. This split was more friendly, she is still on good terms with him. I didn't find out about it till I was older because my mom didn't want everyone to know. Well, when I was eight or so, we moved into another apartment in West Allis. Throughout my childhood, I remember trying to spend time with my mom and most of the time, it felt like she couldn't be bothered. I will admit, I wasn't the easiest child to handle, but I do wish she'd spent more time with me. She could be in the same room as me and I often felt so alone. She was watching t.v. or had her nose buried within a book. And, she did like to play pool, so she would hand me off to various sitters and if she couldn't, she took me to the bar with her. I then would sit at the bar and drink kiddie cocktails or soda. I remember not being able to see over the pool table, that amuses me now. But, much of my childhood was spent in another world, away from the one I lived in. I was so lonely and so unhappy where I resided when in reality. 

My mom met Mike the summer of 1988, I was nine and a half. She had worked for the Wisconsin State Fair in previous years when they came to town every August. This was the year that the touring carnival that Mike worked for came to town. It was a summer that changed everyone's life. She began dating him and he moved in with us, instead of leaving with the carnival. At first, things seemed to be going well. Mike seemed like a nice guy and my mom seemed to be happy. That was all I ever wanted for my mom, was for her to be happy.

When I was 10, life changed in ways I will never forget. I met my dad, step-mom, and my three siblings. It was just my dad the first time, from what I can remember. That was March of 1989. We'd just been in Antigo, WI and my mom decided to surprise me on the way home by stopping in Markesan so I could meet my dad. I left our new cat and our friends in the car and went with my mom inside. Beer cans on the table and my dad sitting there, I hugged him when she told me who he was. He didn't seem thrilled, but he did end up showing me around and told me I had two brothers and a sister.

Around that time, a daughter of someone my mom was friends with ended up staying with us for a little while because of her own difficult living situation. At some point, friends of Mike's that decided to stay in the area took her in for a little while too. It was a hard time. I remember that girl and the things she tried to do to me, was so confused, but I did feel bad for her because of her mom. I was relieved when she went to stay with Mike's friends. But eventually, she ended up going home and not long after, my mom came home one evening ANGRY! She slammed the door and I asked her what was wrong. She told me that the girl had accused Mike of sexual abuse. I was angry too, at the time. Though not long after, I felt bad about that.

Mike started to abuse me and at first, I said nothing because I knew I had a habit of lying and would she even believe me. He said it'd be his word against mine, so I just let him do what he wanted, though I cried every time and begged him to leave me alone. Eventually, I did get brave enough to tell her and she said she'd talk to him about it. It stopped briefly. But he continued.

My mom was going to school in the meantime, she'd started when I was in 2nd grade. She wanted to become an accountant. I was so proud of her, her report cards always had mostly A's, with an occasional B. It felt weird watching her do homework, that was something I did. *giggles* I tried to grasp what she was doing, but couldn't wrap my young mind around what I saw in her books. Well, she finished in December of 1989. January 16th, 1990, she started her job with the Dept. of Revenue in Madison, WI. On the last day of February, we began our move to Madison because she didn't want to deal with the commute anymore. Her, Mike, our cat, and I left West Allis. I was 11. 

The abuse continued and school became an escape, though I wasn't really happy there either. I tried to talk to my mom a couple more times about this. The last time we talked about it, I was 13. She told me, "If he does it again, he's out." But, one morning, December 4th, 1992...I'd had it. I was an emotional mess and wrote my feelings down in a notebook on my way to school. A girl who went to a different school that was two grades older than me asked me what was wrong when she saw how upset I was while writing. She was a girl I looked up to and liked talking to till she got off at her school. I was nervous, but I showed her what I'd written. She told me to talk to someone, that this needed to be dealt with. I was scared. At school, a girl in homeroom I didn't talk to a lot asked me what was wrong because I just couldn't stop crying. I showed her my notebook. After that, she took me to the guidance counselor and that was the day our lives changed forever.

The cops came by and I was in and out of class all day. Later I went to the station to make an official statement. I also met with a social worker. Mike was arrested. My mom had a choice to make, either Mike was to be out of her life or they'd take me away. I ended up a ward of the state. I wasn't able to wrap my head around this for years to come and to be honest, I still have some problems with it. Though, I think now she did this because she felt it was best for me, that maybe I'd have a better shot at a good life if I left. Anyway. So, I lived in a few foster homes, a group home, and even my dad's within a few years time. I did try living with my mom again when I was nearly 17. But our relationship was so hard and she was barely around, again. So, when she wanted to live with a guy she'd been dating, to avoid any possibility of the past repeating itself, she shuttled me off once more...not to my dad's this time, but to my grandma's, back in Milwaukee. She moved in with her boyfriend at the time, one she is still friends with. She has made some decent choices when it comes to who she's dated after Mike, because even when the relationships failed...friendships stayed in tact. I have met most of them and they are nice people. I still want my mom's happiness. She's struggled with this her whole life, being happy with herself as a person, a mom, a friend. I know she's been trying. I see that now.

She did marry a third time a few years ago, this one she barely knew and that marriage ended quickly, though not pleasantly. He is one of the few exes she doesn't talk to anymore. When she first told me she was going to marry him, I was taken aback because she'd only recently split from a different ex. But, she seemed over the moon in love with him and love, as we know, makes us do crazy things sometimes. So, instead of questioning her, she is an adult capable of making her own decisions, I decided to be happy for her at the time. Currently, she is living in the house she decided to buy when I was 19. It's small and in the middle of nowhere, but she likes it like that. She and my dad have that in common, they're not much for the noise and much rather prefer their privacy. She's still going to school, wants to further her accounting degree, but slowly. She is on S.S.D.I for her depression, but managing with that. Being diagnosed bi-polar myself, I can relate so much better to her now. She helps promote a local band, she gets excited when she talks about it. She has come out of her shell a bit more and I like that, though she is still content with spending a lot of time alone. 

I realize I talked about other people in here, but I wanted to tie the stories together so that perhaps you'd understand better. My mom has had a rough life and has made some life altering bad decisions, but all in all, I do believe that she is a good person. I know in my heart that she loves me. When I was in a car accident that could have been prevented if my friends and I didn't make stupid decisions, she was there for me. She yelled at me, which I deserved, but she was there to take care of me. When I had my son, she was there for me. I went through a very rough time with post-pardum depression and battling my bi-polar at the same time, so she stepped in and took my child so I could find my way. I still saw my son, though not nearly as often as I should have, but I am grateful she looked after him. She lent me her truck so I could use it to move and then bailed me out when her truck ended up in the ditch & I ended up in jail for an unpaid fine I had. She's helped me with a lot of things the last several years, not sure if that's her way of making up for my childhood. Maybe, maybe not. But, we get along so much better now. The past is still a sore issue, but not as bad. We've been slowly working on it. I want to heal and I want her to heal from her past too. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, it can work miracles. My mom deserves to be happy and I am glad she's finding a way to achieve that. So, that's her story and a bit of our family's history as well. I hope perhaps you understand us both a little better now.