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When you look into my eyes

Do you see the tears I shed for you?

The eyes are the windows to the soul

Or so I'm told

So if you look into mine

What do you see?

 

I am bad with direct eye contact

Always have been

Perhaps that's because I don't want anyone to see my soul then?

I wear my heart on my sleeve

And not so shy about speaking my mind either

Yet, sometimes my innermost thoughts remain private

 

But sometimes...

The more I keep to myself

The harder it gets for me to cope

Sometimes the thoughts I normally keep to myself

Need to find their voice

They yearn to be heard now and then

 

Think before you speak

A lesson I have been taught time and time again

But often, I over analyze things

Until my mind has been torn in too many directions

It screams out to me

I'm lost, shut up for a moment so I can find my way home

 

Often I'm the one that's a sounding board for anyone in need of an ear

Scream, cry, confide your deepest secrets

While I also talk a lot

And feel the need to vent

There are things I'm scared to talk about

Who will judge me and who will just be there for me?

 

I know that many of you think you know me

Or at least have a pretty good idea

Based on seemingly endless conversations

And knowing my core values

I suppose you have a general idea about my identity

But, there are many sides to me that I keep to myself

 

God knows me

Inside and out

And somehow, He still loves me

How would you feel

If I confided in you everything

Would you still love me too or would you turn your back on me?

 

What would you do if I broke down my walls?

Would you climb over the rubble to embrace me?

Would you gasp and stand there with nothing to say?

Would you point and laugh?

Would you run away screaming?

What would you do?

 

Burn me once, shame on you

Burn me twice, shame on me

Burn me three times, shame on us all

I try not to let the past hold me back

Part of me knows that every person is different

But there are times when I wonder if we're not all somehow the same?

 

We tend to hurt the ones we love the most

Another cliche saying, but it's true

Sometimes intentionally, out of spite or perhaps frustration

And sometimes unintentionally

But no one should ever promise that they won't hurt someone

For it's a promise that will surely be broken

 

I sit here with my heart wide open

Alone, when no one can infiltrate my deepest pain

Or laugh at my paranoia

My desires come to the surface

Dancing with me, set ablaze by the intensity of it all

Love so fierce and wonderful sings the melody

 

Yearning to be held

Wanting to be heard

Praying for many years of healing to come

Desiring to be kissed the way I was not so long ago

A person so in need of many things

Though I try not to be selfish and I try to give back

 

I picture many faces in my head

From the men I love and have loved

To friends past and present

And also many in my family

All standing in front of me

I stare right into each of your faces

 

See me!

My eyes scream out

Really see me!

Don't see only what you want to see

Or only what you have heard about me from others

I want you to really see me!

 

At least there is a part of me that desires this

And another part of me is so unsure

So scared

Always torn

Always a mess

But always me

 

Take my hand

And for that brief moment

When I let you look into my eyes

Find a deeper meaning into our relationship

The door to my heart stands wide open

Walk in before I shut it...