world of wiffledust

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(Image by Maryanne Mesplé 2011)

I celebrate each second that I am aware of. For me, awareness is being engaged in life as fully as possible while appreciating the little things and being in awe of bigger things. Life itself, I have to believe, is not aware of each second that passes. Life just is whatever it is expressing without the silly construct of time. Only us silly humans cripple our experience by measuring what we do or don't do in a race with the clock. If we fail to produce within a certain amount of "time" then we tell ourselves (or other people tell us) that we are too late and that judgment of lateness colors our experience with ugly dark messy crayons. I received a gentle reminder this week that time, or at least my sense of time, can interfere with my own ability to produce or create. I was filled with self imposed stress while at the same time, I was also filled with the awareness that I have a choice to create without giving in to stress. I don't like the feeling that I must produce or manifest something within the constraints of my own construct of time that tics off seconds like boulders falling on my head. Without intention I had put myself in the clock's box and began to perform like a racing dog chasing a faux furry critter on a stick. Not good.
( Steven Senne, file / AP Photo)

I received a phone call in the early morning hours (the awareness of time) from my mother. My mother lives with me. My mother has a bedroom down the hall from my bedroom. My mom called me on my cell phone using her cell phone and when I answered her only words were; "Mary, come here" ~ click ~ the phone went silent. I already knew before my feet hit the floor what the day was serving. Within an hour my mom was uncomfortably smushed (my word) atop a gurney in an emergency room and she was being grilled with the same questions over and over and over. Questions like, "your name is?" and "you were born when?" and for the hundredth time, "what are your allergies?" and these questions came in addition to the question asked by every person entering the room, "what brought you to the hospital today?" As I watched the clock in the emergency room I felt agony and frustration filling my body starting at my toes. Soon, after the first 45 minutes I was ankle deep in anxiety. I was chest deep in fear for my mom's condition. On the less than perfect side of who I am there was also the frustration for my day not playing out the way I had designed it the evening before going to sleep. I visualized before going to dreamland all the beads I would be making when I awakened and the gourd designs I would be working on and the planting of my vegetable starts into my garden and ......... I didn't visualize my mom having a health crisis.

 

With intention I willed myself into deploying patience within my being and I let go and embraced the moment we were in (one after another). I let go of all my expectations for my day and for my mom's day. I surrendered to life and to just being with what we were being served. I knew my beads would be just fine and that my gourds would not cop an attitude. I felt my baby plants were just being little plants and knew the stress of caring was my own projection. My vegetable starts were not going to be mad at me for not putting them into the ground on a certain day. I witnessed my mother letting go also and embracing the fact that the doctors and nurses and aides and techs were there to help her. I witnessed myself opening my tightly clenched need to control and micro manage my immediate environment and hand over (symbolically) my mother to those who could help her. Patience was the operative word, and our patience produced a beautiful outcome. With technology and quick action my mom did not suffer a major heart attack. Nope, instead she became the recipient of a cardiac stent ... a stent that will increase the quality of her life. A stent that also lets me relax into a deeper understanding of faith and trust and the results of patience.


(Image from Resurrection Health Care website)

So, what does my mom's health crisis have to do with creativity and time? A lot. Just think of all the beautiful creative energy that helped develop the balloon catheter needed to expand my mom's cardiac artery enough to receive a stent. Wow! I make beads from magazines and I cut and burn and paint on gourds. I plant some plants and get creative in the kitchen with the harvest. Create a stent? Think of all that is needed to develop a balloon that is small enough and strong enough to help expand a stricture within a vessel. I will say WOW again. It takes patience with ourselves, and patience with others and patience with our sense of time to produce anything of value. I am not talking about value in relation to dollars. I am speaking of value of personal satisfaction, the value of adding to the beauty of life, the value of being all we can be, the value of letting go and trusting life. Value. The value of knowing that if we can open our proverbial fist, if we can open our hearts, if we can open our narrow thoughts to letting in who knows what, we can experience life to its fullest. As a side to letting ourselves experience the wonderful harvest of having patience we can experience the amazing wonders of technology that enables our loved ones and often times our own selves to be around this big blue marble a bit longer. Patience does produce more than we can imagine.
Hugs,
Maryanne

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