My oldest daughter's first day at kindergarten....written circa 2000--edited many times, including today. This was was acutally published!

Heather's first day of Kindergarten---

It began as any other autumn day. The sun was shining; not a cloud in the sky. As I listened to the birds welcoming the new day, it dawned on me. Today was not a typical day. This morning, my daughter will spend her first day in kindergarten. After a little self-talk to stop my heart from hammering, a good stretch and a moment of prayer, I vowed I would survive.

We have been talking about it for months. The new lunchbox had been purchased and the backpack lovingly decorated with special key chains and trinkets. Heather’s new dress and shoes were laid out carefully in anticipation of this important day. Padding down the hall towards her room, I passed the nursery where I spent nights rocking her and listening to the still of the night.

I walked into her darkened bedroom where I could barely make out the little figure buried beneath the crumpled quilt. I gently pulled the blinds up in hopes it would stir my sleeping child. As I sat on the edge of her bed and stroked her cheek, I marveled at how so much time could go by in the blink of an eye. I quietly whispered, “Today is the big day!” Heather opened her eyes and smiled the smile that I adore. We talked as she dressed about riding the school bus and all of the new friends that she would meet.
Riding the bus was not my idea; I was completely content to drive her to school, take her wee hand in mine, walk her to her classroom, kiss her goodbye and spend the rest of the morning with my ear pressed up against the door. I didn’t want to miss one part of this once in a lifetime experience. Heather had other ideas.

Not only was she going to take the bus, but I was not to kiss her at the bus stop. That would be done in the privacy of our home. In addition, I was informed that any pictures that would be taken for posterity would need to be taken inside the house, lest one of the big kids walking to the bus stop, see her freshly scrubbed kindergarten face smiling for the camera.

It was 8:15 a.m. and time to leave for the bus stop. I knelt down next to her, took her little face in my hands and told her that I loved her and was proud of her. After a big hug, we headed out the door. As we walked hand in hand down the street, I recalled my first day of school and the excitement I felt. How marvelous it is to then be able to look at today through the eyes of my first born child and experience that excitement with her. When we arrived at the bus stop, children had already gathered in anticipation of the big, yellow bus that would whisk them away to the land of learning. The older kids slapped each other on the back, swapped summer vacation stories and slid down the big hill at the corner of our block.

Heather stood quietly, taking it all in. I wondered what she was thinking. Was she nervous or calm, scared, frightened or excited? Looking back, I guess she experienced all of those emotions. I was certainly feeling all of those things. For the first time, I was putting my child in the care of someone whom I did not know, from the bus driver to the teacher to the principal! Fortunately, I had recruited a grown up fourth grader I knew from the neighborhood to chaperone the bus experience and ensure that Heather got to her classroom.

The time had come as the bus pulled up to the group of eagerly awaiting children. In keeping with the aforementioned rules, I gave her a pat on the shoulder and told her to have a great day. She scampered away from me on the heels of the assigned fourth grader. I stood there and watched as the children lined up to board the bus. Inside my head I was saying to her, “Please look back so that I know you are okay.” All I saw was the back of her swinging ponytail as she climbed those big stairs onto the bus. I followed her with my eyes, as she made her way through the aisle craning my neck to be sure that she had a seat. Sadly, I lost her in the crowd.

Rather abruptly, the doors closed and the bus roared away from the corner. I waved enthusiastically, hoping for an instant, that she saw me. I waited until I could no longer see the bus and walked slowly up the long hill towards our house. I know this is the beginning of many times that I will see the back of that ponytail walking towards a new experience. I can only hope that we have given her the confidence and independence to embrace new experiences and learn from them. My daughter’s first day of kindergarten and the only tears that were shed were mine.