Living In My Dreams

 

I reach out my hand to you

You take it and smile that lazy smile

Each time you look at me

I find my breath taken away

It's amazing the power your look & touch have over me

 

Things started out so strong

With so much promise and hope for a wonderful future

The feelings we have for one another have lasted through it all

We've overcome so much

I really thought that this time would be it

 

But you have shared that you're having doubts

And this leaves me confused and torn

I must admit I am having my share of doubts now

The last thing I want is to lose you

Though perhaps letting you go is the best thing at the moment

 

In my dreams, you're still here with me

But when I wake up, I find myself alone

My mind can paint pretty pictures of our future

And some days I think I can step inside them and make them come to life

What a fantasy world I live in sometimes

 

I can see us at baseball games, laughing and enjoying the air

It smells of hotdogs and beer all around us

Cheering on our team, go Brewers go!

Kids laughing

Vendors shouting

 

And there we are, laying in bed

Talking about movies, music, and the future

I can feel your arms around me right now

I see those brown eyes sparkle

They're asking me to kiss you

 

I see you helping me get better at pool

Teaching me how to line up a difficult shot

Giving me a high five when I actually make it

Picking on me when I don't

Such happiness I feel when I'm with you, at least in my dreams

 

All of this and more is what I want, what I desire

I don't know that my dreams are squashed

But I feel perhaps that we rushed things once again

Not so much as the first time

But even still

 

I sense it in my heart

You're still not ready

But unable to say it to me

Do I dare let you go

And break my own heart?

 

But to wait for that other shoe to drop

Just waiting for you to speak your mind

Which you so rarely do

Is torture

I fear that this is much worse

 

I don't want to see you unhappy

Seeing you unhappy makes me miserable

And when I am miserable

I become unbearable to be around

It's a no win situation for us both

 

I have decided to sit back and give you space

When you're ready to talk

I will be here

And then I think I know what I must do for us both

It will hurt, the aftershock will sting

 

But this time, we will part as friends

No fighting this time

And we can take our own paths

Perhaps they will lead us back together one day

And then again, maybe not

 

But because I love you, I will do what is best for you

Chase down those dreams

Cast away those demons

I will still be beside you

Just as a friend this time

 

Cheering you on

Being proud of you for all you accomplish

Worrying about you when you push yourself too hard

Loving you for who you are

All while living my own life

 

It's time for me to step out of the picture

Wave fondly and then walk forward

This is my reality

I must face it

And stop living in my dreams