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Guys & Dolls
all of that have been there front & center the last few days.
We all, men & women, have been hurt by someone...by someone we
dated, were married to, were friends with, our own family even....and
in the heat of the moment, it is so easy to say things like: MEN SUCK
or WOMEN SUCK! (along with other things lol) But you know, I have come
to realize it's not just one or the other. I can take that further by
saying it's not one color more than another either or a class of
people. It is simply this: People in general sometimes suck.
We've all been betrayed, lied to, used, cheated on, or hurt in some
fashion by people we trusted. And after being hurt, it is hard to
trust...and if you've been hurt a lot, it gets harder each time. It's
much easier to put up a wall around your heart and shut people out or
hold them at arms length. I have been doing this a lot for most of my
life. I have been betrayed by people in every sector of my life from
family to friends to the men I've loved. It's been me saying, "I want
to be loved, I want to be accepted....but I'm only letting you in so
far." I want to trust, but usually when I got really close to
someone...I would find a way to blow it so that I'm not the one who
would get hurt...though in the end, that always backfired, because I
usually saw just what I had after I pushed them away one way or
another.
That self destructive side has been hard to overcome, but I am finally
in a healthy place...a place where my heart is open to trusting. And
I'm done saying that all men suck or women can't be trusted. I want to
be the good friend people know they can trust, that the past is dead
and so is the old me. I want to be the good girlfriend who isn't too
whiny, clingy, and needy....and at the same time doesn't push a good
guy away. God has been pointing me in the right direction for a long
time, but I just wanted to do things my way and on my own schedule. I
have lost some good people in my life because of it, but I have also
lost people that perhaps were best to lose. And I have also gained a
lot of wonderful people in my life. The friends I have now are
wonderful & trustworthy. I started reaching out to my dad's family,
people I thought never cared about me...but this weekend, some of them
really warmed up to me, opened up, and let me in. I am so happy I went
to Halley & Tyler's wedding. :) It was beautiful, she was
beautiful! And Tyler is such a great guy for her.
Being at Tim & Regina's wedding, then Samantha & Jason's, and
lastly thus far Halley & Tyler's....I see that real love is out
there and I know that when it's my time to find someone, that I will.
When the one for me is ready & I am ready, He will bring us
together. Until then, I have a lot of good friends, family, & God
who make me smile and remind me I'm not alone. I never was, it just
often felt that way. Even when those who I thought were or should be
there weren't, God always was. I am going to work really hard to kick
those demons of mine to the curb. I want to be a better mother,
daughter, niece, grand-daughter, sister, & friend. I have come a
long way, but I have a long ways to go. I suppose in many ways, we all
do. We're never done growing or learning. Life is full of mistakes to
be made and lessons to be learned. And like I said in the beginning,
one I learned is...it's not just guys or dolls, it's guys & dolls.
We are both to blame. And perhaps if we quit bashing the other gender
or even one another long enough, we'd see how much good there still is
left out there. The world is indeed full of a lot of bad and we all
have darkness inside us....but there is also a lot of good left and
light in us. I choose to strive for the light.
Well, this is my bit...I'm done. This doll is tired and needs to get some rest. Good-night.
Views: 13
Comment
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Comment by Jodie Ann Christiansen on July 6, 2010 at 5:05pm
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you, dear carissa, are on your way to full light and HE shall answer your prayers. thank you again for voicing all these very human emotions and trials and tribs of daily living........it assures us that we def are not alone ....like you said, we all have been hurt ,betrayed and we all have been guilty of doing the same, BUT at least some of us are striving towards and in the light. thank you, carissa
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Comment by Lillian Gaffney on June 15, 2010 at 2:27pm
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YES to the LIGHT!
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Comment by Donna Stumpo on June 15, 2010 at 8:19am
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Thanks for sharing that Carissa. It's too easy to categorize people, and so detrimental to our being able to see each person for who they really are. Each time we meet a person, are we carrying the baggage of a bad opinion about them BEFORE we ever get to know them? That isn't fair to them or to us. We might never get to know a person, and who knows? This person could be the love of our lives! Or a potential dear friend! Wouldn't want to miss out on any good stuff, so we have to keep our options and emotional selves OPEN. I applaud you in your efforts to stay open-minded. It's an endeavor well worth considering for all of us. Thank you!!
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Comment by wiffledust on June 14, 2010 at 11:50pm
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really good job, carissa! sometimes i think the main job of an adult is to tolerate all the scars we have in the form of disappointments and not lose our sense of wonder. cynicism is deadly. and losing trust because people have hurt us is particularly dangerous. it's so hard to keep moving forward, but it's the only way to go!
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