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Evening and the Symphony
Feet tumble over each other as we spill out the back gate into the driveway.
Six feet between us, Winslow and me.
He scampers too and fro taking in nature's scents,
One more wonderful than the next--at least as far as he's concerned.
Sun is setting yet the light is still enough,
To guide our feet and light our way.
As the sun sets and shadows lengthen,
A glimmer appears and then is gone.
A crescent moon, miles away curls toward the open sky--
Another glimmer....and another...blink.
Soon staccato visions of brightness appear as we walk.
A symphony for a silent world.
Fireworks--yet only ones to see.
No rumble in your chest, no kaboom at the end.
Dancing lights across the yards as we walk,
The fireflies enjoy the beginning of longer days.
Winslow and I round the corner towards home--
A few less lights twinkle as we walk.
Happy hour for the fireflies has come to an end.
Views: 6
Comment
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Comment by Lillian Gaffney on June 17, 2010 at 5:32pm
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...sounds romantic!
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Comment by Donna Stumpo on June 16, 2010 at 2:00am
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Fireworks without the rumble in your chest, no kaboom--I'm sure Winslow appreciates that!
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Comment by wiffledust on June 15, 2010 at 11:11pm
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it has alot of feeling in it. it's interesting which words evoke feelings. and what string of words evoke feeling. sometimes a flowery one is necessary....but yes in the showing. although i've seen susie on here use flowery words to do the showing in the right word. and sometimes the showing is just in a simple word like night. it's what makes this all fun, huh? ;-)
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Comment by Suzanne Duncan Lees on June 15, 2010 at 10:40pm
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Thanks, Lisa! It's different for me--no two ways about that. Trying to be less flowery. As my Language Arts teacher that I am with every day says to her kids, "Show, don't tell." That's what I'm trying to do. Paraphrasing is fun--less structure. Probably should do more of that. Thanks!!
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oh suzanne! how beautiful!!!!! staccato visions...love that!!! and the curling moon and then the blink. great stuff! this is a new style for you. did it take more bravery? for me the poetic stuff needs more daring. i don't know if it's the same for you or not. LOVE It. KEEP WRITING!!!!!
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