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A time to let go...

Needing to let go of something happens over and over again in life. I'm working on it right now.There are people who push our buttons, people that hurt us, cause us envy and pride. But then a moment happens, my first was when my daughter, who was three at the time, was very ill with a bug of some kind. She wasn't getting better, she was getting worse and while the doctor assured me over the phone that she would be fine, I knew better.

I scooped up her listless body and went straight to the ER, where she immediately received 6 hours of IV fluids and electrolytes for dehydration from all of the diarrhea and vomiting. I remember the moments before the the doctor opened the curtain. The room was dimly lit, my husband was on his way and I was sitting on a chair beside her little perfect still body. I bent over her, lowering my head against her side and I prayed as I smoothed my hand over her head. I mean I PRAYED. Nothing mattered but her being okay. 

Funny the thoughts that creep into dark times, thoughts of a snotty sister- in- law that I had let bother me for years disappeared and so did so many other trivial things that seemed real and hurtful to me. Now they meant less than nothing. I was free from it all. All that mattered was clear.The doctor entered the room and the nurse started the IV line. My daughter didn't even flinch as it went in. A few minutes later my husband walked in, kissed her and me, and we sat in silence. She was pail, silent and fragile. Just ten minutes later, her cheeks began to pinken-up, she starting talking, and then she smiled. I thanked God over and over as I kissed her and kissed my husband.

Later that night at home as I lay in her bed with her on top of me, her hands wrapped up in my hair, I felt her body rise and fall with each breath; I remembered the epiphany I had earlier and I felt changed. I didn't care what people thought about me or if my sister-in-law like me. It was clear what was important. My family. What was important was life and goodness and to have a soft and open heart. To love.

Time tends to blur this clarity, people challenge it daily without even knowing, and you do't even remember that it has slipped away until the next time you almost lose someone you love or something tragic happens or almost happens. You have days that change us all forever, 9/11, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook,etc and you say to yourself," this petty stuff just doesn't matter." We need to be good and kind and care for one another. 

Time goes by and people begin to forget. They forget to be kind, to take a moment when someone has reacted poorly and think, "hey, they must be having a pretty bad day." They forget to hold doors and say thank you..really, thank you for being you. And there you stand, confronted by life and its shitty people-moments, and we all have them, and you have to make a choice. Grab hold and jump in with the lot of them or be the first domino and hug someone or forgive them, write a quick note letting someone know you care. Be human,
and just let go.

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