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Dad
My Dad passed away to be with his maker this past Monday, November 9, 2009. He was a strong willed, stubborn, determined man of 86 years. Dad brought us up with tough love but nothing compared to how he was raised. His father was a very mean man and very abusive. Daddy was always in control of everything or so he thought. He was tough on Mom also. Mom passed away in June 2002 from Pick's Disease. Similar in the last stages to Alzheimer's. Daddy was a difficult man to make happy or please and so the story begins. Nothing was ever quite good enough or just right to him. He was extremely critical of everything and everyone. Daddy worked hard to provide for his family and I know now how much he really loved us but just could not and did not know how to show us. As a child his presence made me very nervous and afraid. Never knowing when he was going to erupt or fuss at you. I tried really hard to do the right thing and make him proud of me but couldn't really tell if he was ever pleased. As I became older and more of an individual and had my own opinions Daddy and I would often disagree and butt heads like two stags determined to get their point across. As a young girl I could not understand why everyone just couldn't get along. Why all the fuss and complaining. I became a spokesman for my young siblings, Cindy & Neil and tried to protect them from his nasty behavior. We all grew up and turned out ok I guess. The past year has been a difficult one with his health. All of us have grown closer than ever because our love for him and we have all been with him for the last few months. The past few weeks he agreed to go into Hospice which was a wonderful and spiritual experience to me. I would imagine it is the closest thing to a natural death than can be possible with pain management. I spent the night a week ago tonight with him and read to him and talked to him most of the night. If I nodded off I'd wake up and check to see if he was breathing. He made it through the night and into the evening last Monday. Again I was there with my daughter and son, my sister and niece. Thirty minutes after we had left we got the phone call. My daughter and I rushed back over to meet my sister and wait for the coroner. He looked so peaceful. We snacked on M&M's and I could just imagine my Dad watching us and saying, "That's my Girls".
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Comment by Vickie on November 19, 2009 at 12:25am
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Thanks to all of you for your kind notes. Just my thoughts on paper :)
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Comment by Donna Stumpo on November 16, 2009 at 8:39pm
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Oh Vickie....Thanks for sharing all of this with us. It's so good that you had family with you. Being the oldest sibling is tough, I know. It's hardest for the oldest one. And standing up for your younger sister and brother when you were so young yourself. You've done alot and have been through alot and I'll bet you are close with your siblings today because of what you all helped each other through back then.....
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Comment by stephen dijoseph on November 16, 2009 at 7:09pm
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that was very powerful and touching...i relate to the "mean" grandfather....
my parents are around the same age (still here) and my memory of my grandfather is mostly a self-centered mean belligerent old geezer ...but then again he also taught me cool stuff, like how to put things back where I got them...not easy for an ADD kinda guy... and he really showed appreciation for my saturday night visits to him. I have a song I need to finish about the family legacy experience...
peace to you and your family
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Comment by wiffledust on November 15, 2009 at 10:16pm
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Vickie, I think this is really very special. Again, I'm so very sorry about your father's passing. It is very hard to lose a parent, I know. I think it's so wonderful the way you are able to look beyond the obvious with your father's behavior and see that he tried to very hard to raise you differently than how he'd been raised. It is so hard to raise children when you've been verbally or physically abused, I imagine. And it sounds like he did such a better job than his parents. And I'm so sure that he'd appreciate you recognizing this. Your love for him is so obvious here, and so I'm very certain in saying he knew how much you loved him before he had to leave. Hugs for you, Lisa
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