where creative minds can interact
squelched, squished, and squashed NO MORE!
i've been working with Lillian Gaffney this week and wanted to share some of my work.
<1. i was afraid
<2. my work left me exhausted
all i'll say is that the audiences mouths are hearts, too.
so, my exhausting job has been put aside, and now so has the fear. i'll need a job, of course, but this time it will feed my spirit and energize my efforts to move toward my dream. i'm sure i'll hear all the "practical advice" about how you can't make a living playing music. but really...lots of people do it every day. i don't care about fame, fine houses and cars, and i have no children to feed.
i have a chance to step out of the american dream so that i can live my own. for that, i am grateful.
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Comment
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Comment by Karrie Chambless on July 10, 2010 at 3:45pm
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me too, gracey!
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Comment by gracey on July 10, 2010 at 3:06pm
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I knew I found this site for a reason.
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Thank you, Stephen! Nothing brings me as much joy as musi! I'm anxious to get home and spend quality time with my keyboard!
I'm doing what you did...listening to the keys parts and teaching myself
that way. When I see the joy you feel in your "Chattanooga Choo Choo" video, I'm filled with excitement. I can have it, too!
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Comment by stephen dijoseph on July 9, 2010 at 8:01pm
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I celebrate this with you Karrie. I have many stories about how I could have given
up on my choice to live as/be a musician and I can tell you...there is never a day I regret it sticking with it!! ... play on my friend!
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Actually, losing my job added more fear, and if I had allowed it, could have completely sidetracked me from my innermost desires. And, you are NOT being selfish! ;)
One day I read Lillian's blog on journaling and was inspired that she had overcome a serious life-threatening illness, left her job that did not feed her soul, and recreated herself. I really connected with that because I have suffered for years with a health concern of my own, my job did not feed my soul, and I wanted to recreate myself. I knew she had information that would help me grow.
I have journaled off and on all my life, but this was different. I wasn't just writing my thoughts and feelings to "get it out". She helped me focus my attention on my inner issues, things that were keeping me stuck in my destructive patterns. Through my writing assignments I came to see "the big picture", and not use my writing as an opportunity for my own personal pity party. It became the hammer and chisel for me to clear out the years of "plaque" that were weighing me down.
Through this work I have learned to listen to my inner voice, trust myself, and let go of my need for perfection. I never expected perfection from others, yet for some reason, I expected it from myself. I've worked very hard these past few days, and I've come out the other side feeling empowered, strong, and excited about my life, both present and future. An enormous weight has been lifted from my spirit from this emotional/creative/spiritual journey.
It doesn't mean I won't be vulnerable to falling into old patterns of fear. But as long as I return to listening to my inner voice, and do it because I love it and can't live without it, my fears are shattered. Even the most accomplished performers experience some stage fright prior to a performance. But it's not your "run of the mill" stage fright that keeps us from going for our dreams with gusto.
Lillian helped me see how I was stopping the flow of my own creativity. Had I not done this intensive work with her, I would have spent many years and a lot more energy trying to clear out my emotional baggage.
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Comment by Laura Huggett on July 9, 2010 at 12:17pm
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Karrie, I am selfishly going to ask a question -- I am so curious about how you let go of the fear you identified. I understand the part about your job being exhausting and getting in the way, but did losing the job automatically end the "being afraid?"
I am asking because I have been having quite a similar experience....I know how to read and memorize music and have always been able to play the piano that way, but just a few years ago decided to study music and started guitar lessons. My exhausting job and commute get in the way of real progress....but more than that is just stone cold "stage fright" -- even when I practice and practice and know something cold, I can't play it correctly for anyone -- not even my very sweet and encouraging teacher. I just clam up. I am searching for some real method of getting past the self consciousness, the fear of getting it wrong and and stage fright. Or perhaps that is not what you meant by being afraid?
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Comment by Lillian Gaffney on July 9, 2010 at 9:32am
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...Karrie, this warms my heart and massages my muscles. You have worked intensely this week and I just know that you were meant to sing and play with all of your heart. God wants you to share your gifts. Your drawing speaks volumes and I am sure you will be well received, keep that vision. You go girl, sing like no tomorrow and play with all your heart.
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well, you'll be one of the first to know! xox
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Comment by wiffledust on July 9, 2010 at 12:31am
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well i'm all for following your dream, karrie. i believe God put the love of art and music in us to be used. squelching was never part of the plan. i'm so enthusiastic about your passion and new beginnings. i can't wait to hear how it all unfolds! ;-) xxx
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